Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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