bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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