smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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