FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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