I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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