Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize