I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
