My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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