so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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