now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
