90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
