i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
