have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
