Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
