I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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