just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
