It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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