He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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