I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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