i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
