If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
