Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
