I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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