I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
