oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
