jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
