its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
