im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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