Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
