so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
