She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
