Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
