her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
