I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
