I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
