A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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