her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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