i was born a porn star she said
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
