i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
