dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
