he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
