you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
