Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
worst night to have a conscience
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
