I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
