Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
