I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
