You just made me feel so damn special
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
