today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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