I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
