Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
