my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
