Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
