even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
