If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
