Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
