I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
