Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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