oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
