haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
