i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
