smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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