It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
