she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
