so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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