yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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